compulsive ministry

i was reading a bit of henri nowen's the way of the heart over breakfast this morning and i was so compelled by his insight into the present (he wrote in the seventies, but still, if not more appropriate an analysis) condition of ministry.

he talked about becoming compulsive in our ministry style. we are those who continually stay busy, we continually 'conform' in some way or another to the socially accepted 'norms' of what a minister should be.

i realized as i was reading how utterly compulsive i am in the way i live. i spend much of my life in a frantic, almost panicked state, worried that i will somehow miss out on whatever it is that i do not want to miss out on (usually whatever is being recognized or honored from a platform of some level).

it compels me to live an extremely obsessive life, one more book, reading one more article, becoming a master analyst, journaling, staying abreast on history, economics, theology, politics; and the list can go on and on, to whatever i fell that will better my life at that momement.

so this morning i was thinking about that, and the propensity of my own heart to travel that path and i realized the absolute root behind it all. whenever my identity is moved from my present position in christ, and wanting and longing to be pleasing in his sight alone, and i begin so concerned with what men acclaim me to be, it causes me to come into a frenzied state of being.

this is surely no way of living. i think the wisdom of the lord is so beautiful and so profound in this way. his way is the way of weakness, the way of simplicity. the things that are effective in his purposes are prayer, fasting, silence, solitude, serving, giving, etc... (i.e. all things that take something from us so that we cannot exalt ourselves in the external before men).

it is absolutely brilliant... he takes all men from every sphere of life, wealthy or poor, honored or despised, intellectual or illiterate and puts them on the same playing field. the one who knows all manner of wisdom and intellectual knowledge is still required to become as a simple child. he will only ask if we learned to be humble, unconcerned about our position or honor before men.

greatness in his sight is simple, weak, humble faith in this life. it is actually being concerned with the interests of others more than our own interests. wow...

i could go on, but i am going to leave it at this for now, for the sake of my own heart and not over-analyzing or trying to milk this for all its worth...

r